"I Love THEM All," Is an Urgent Call to Revise our Understanding of Real Inclusion

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From my daughter, I learn the greatest lessons of true inclusion and individuality. Through her reactions and responses to situations that would otherwise go unnoticed for me, I can see the ability of those living with a disability to become self-advocates, as they strengthen their capacity to defend their individuality and their right to refute the labels imposed by society. The story that follows made me reflect on the urgent need to revise our definition of true inclusion when we believe that the phrase “I love THEM all,” is positive or inclusive.

We were walking in the supermarket and suddenly someone saw her from afar and came to greet her, a situation that is not uncommon but perhaps a little less logical due to the current pandemic. Yaya, who was looking at some products, immediately walked away and took refuge behind me. I heard the person say from afar, “I’m sorry, I love THEM all.” Yaya looked into my eyes, and her gaze really opened my mind because without saying anything she had said everything. I took her by the hand to look for Emir who was buying sushi somewhere else, and as we walked I asked her what had happened. Her response let me speechless, “How can someone love me without knowing me,” she told me. “I don’t know her.”

I think that I have never heard Yaya express so clearly a concept that obviously comes from home, but that probably has grown stronger in her mind over the years and has finally materialized into words. I gave her a hug and said, “You are right, and most importantly, you have the right to set boundaries.” And we continue walking holding hands. I felt her strength and certainty while she held my hand tightly. And I felt really proud about the self-advocacy that revolves in her head. At the same time, I wondered how many times these obvious and logical reactions from a typical child are accepted with no comments. But how many times they seem to be considered absurd or incomprehensible when they come from people with Down syndrome. They have become victims of the prejudices that put them in uncomfortable situations in which they are supposed to respond pleasantly to the “I love THEM all” situation that gives anyone a pass to cross their boundaries under the assumption that they are all the same.

I will never get tired of talking about these issues because for the moment, I continue to be the voice of my children, and in a way the one for those who agree and find in these words a way to share their need for a world of real inclusion in which our children go unnoticed in their disability to be recognized in their individuality, and not the other way around. I will keep thinking about Yaya’s gaze as I reflect on her personal evolution and her pride to identify herself as an individual. She is in full acceptance of her condition, as well as her abilities and limitations.

I really am left with this feeling of pride and satisfaction knowing that to be a full and complete person, you do not need superpowers of any kind, or succumbing to the need to be loved by those who do not know you. Instead, you need to love yourself deeply to recognize that love is earned, built and reserved for those who deserve it and know you enough to know that you are unique.

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Eliana Tardío

Líder Hispana A Favor de la Diversidad at Vivir con Pasión, Compasión y Estilo

Eliana Tardío es la mamá de Emir y Ayelén; ambos con síndrome de Down. Reconocida por su trabajo promoviendo la inclusión natural de las personas por su individualidad, Eliana ha sida reconocida por celebridades como Araceli Arámbula, Thalia, María Celeste Arrarás, Karen Martínez, y más. Su historia ha sido compartida por las cadenas mundiales más importantes: Univisión, Telemundo, CNN, y Azteca América. Nombrada Bloguera Latina Inspiración 2014 en USA, en este espacio Eliana comparte sus vivencias y recursos con más de 200.000 visitantes al mes.

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