As human beings, we are the product of our environment. Our environment has taught us that there is a unique way to be considered worthy, which is achieved through standardization. Standardization creates generalized processes that respond to the average needs of the population. As a result, it generates specific goals used to measure individuals’ success. In our society, standardization is synonymous with perfection, a situation that promotes the feeling of loss and despair when you have a child with a disability. We feel our child does not fit into the standardized expectations of society and, therefore, they will never be able to achieve what others can.
Most of us have heard professionals say, “This child is wonderful; he fits perfectly on the developmental charts.” Or we have expressed our pride based on the same charts by saying things such as, “he is a wonder, he already walks or reads or does this or the other.”
Without realizing it, we support an ableist culture. We feel the need to achieve something to feel worth it as individuals. The same applies to our children with disabilities when with phrases such as, “he doesn’t look like he has a disability,” or “he’s not the same as other kids like him.”
Sadly, each of these well-intentioned comments full of pride and emotion does not speak of inclusion or diversity. They speak instead of our unconscious desire to fit in and make our children fit into societal expectations, which make us believe that standardization is synonymous with perfection. Our unconscious tells us that they are safe if a child reaches the standard developmental milestones. Then it will all be flowers and awards.
Along with this behavior comes the other side of the coin. In everyday words, the more standardized our minds are, the more difficult it is to find answers. We need to give our minds flexibility and be open to change. Only then will we learn to live freely, giving our children the opportunity to live fully as individuals.
These inclusive thoughts that promote diversity are labeled as tendencies that many consider “progressive and dangerous.” They challenge the systems, and therefore, they push people out of their comfort zone to evaluate different ways of existing and evolving. It’s hard to believe, but this is where such an enriching vision as inclusion can become a discussion charged with hate and prejudice. Those against inclusion defend segregation, ensuring that there is no need to reinvent what already works and is so well established. In other words, segregation is an easy process; why complicate our lives with inclusion, right?
Standardization has taught us that people with disabilities do not fit in and therefore must be isolated so that they do not harm standardized goals. Many parents don’t even know what they’re fighting for. Still, one of the biggest fights to keep systems segregated has a significant economic implication for those who would have to reinvent systems that already work independently. In some countries, in which schools are funded based on performance scores, children with disabilities are erased from the equation to ensure funding is achieved to serve those who respond to standards.
That said, the system will not change just because the system is neither father nor mother. The system is a standard social construction that works without awareness or stress. Advocates must stress the system by raising awareness, asking questions, and creating pressure to discuss diversity issues coupled with services, supports, and inclusive opportunities for our children.
And before the typical thought “but nothing works and nothing changes” crosses their minds, things do work, and things do change, but nothing happens immediately. Change comes with commitment, consistency, communication, collaboration, and delivery. The question is, are you willing?
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