“Your child is not doing a good job..” but compared to whom?
Have you realized that all the time our children’s problems begin with our own problems and insecurities as the result of our inability to process the world from a different light? Standardization is with no doubt convenient and an ok tool to measure progress based on specific indicators, but standardization is not the answer and cannot measure people’s worth.
As parents of children with disabilities, we learn to blame the world almost immediately. But what about ourselves? Is it the world or is it us being influenced and manipulated by others? Is it the discriminatory systems or is it the prejudices embedded in our minds that support them unconsciously when instead of raising our children free, we push them to follow society’s impositions because they make us feel comfortable and “normal”?
There is no single day in which I don’t hear someone put the blame of segregation into someone else. It’s true. This is a never-ending and exhausting fight for inclusion but let’s be honest, it’s a shared responsibility in which we have to strengthen ourselves as parents and advocates in order to defend our children.
And that’s the really tough part of this game. The real challenge is not to change the outside world but to change our own perceptions to the point in which doubt is not a part of the equation anymore. It’s all about the self-awareness of who we are and what are we constructed from. It’s the constant self-evaluation of our biases, our fears, and insecurities. It’s the painful analysis of our feelings and doubts when we allow others to determine our children’s worth based on the comparison. It’s the frustration of finding out that regardless of how much you work on growing, there is always going to be much more to do and the more you grow, the more pressure you will feel to keep transforming yourself.
And you will get tired and so many times frustrated, and you will question your efforts and your intentions, and believe me, you will find your way over and over again. Everything for a single reason: you are as human as everyone else and the more open you are to live in a constant self-assessment to better yourself, the more awake and vulnerable you will ever be.
I share this because there is no day in which I don’t get emails, messages, or comments in which people ask me or complain about others interfering with their kids’ ability to claim their right to inclusion. However and many times, we fail to take a deep look inside and ask ourselves how is that our mindset contributes to segregation and discrimination. Allow me to awaken your conscience by asking you a couple of questions?
- What is it that makes you believe that your child needs something else to reclaim his right to inclusion?
- Do we blame others but are we the kind of people going around to point out others’ imperfections in our attempt to look perfect?
- Are we so obsessed with what we consider “normal” or “perfect” that we immediately dismiss or perceive things or people as lame when they are different or when they don’t fit the standards?
- Are we always behind those who have “achieved normalcy” and can do everything like everyone else because unconsciously we feel there is only one way? We hate segregation but we idealize standardization?
- Is that feeling of frustration in your heart the result of the things you haven’t been able to overcome in an attempt to fix instead of maximizing your child’s abilities?
There are a hundred thousand questions that you can use to start this intimate conversation with yourself in order to work and transform the only thing that will create real change: your inner you. Everything else will be transformed when you are ready.
