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Last weekend Ayelen was invited to a birthday party. In response, her words were: “only popular girls go to birthday parties.” This line, along with many others, are things that she is learning while having typical interactions with her non-disabled peers. She is constantly bringing up conversations that surprise me and excite me. The other night, for example, “I think I need a boyfriend, mom,” she said. Me: “why would you need a boyfriend?” Her: “To feel love and give him kisses.” WOW, those things kill me in more than one way. I love the fact that she has such complex, mature thoughts but at the same time, I feel life is moving way too fast and there is so much to be done still to ensure she will live her life to its fullest in all areas. There is no way to measure the gains that inclusion has provided her over the years, but something I can assure anyone is that inclusion is a journey, not a destination.
That said, inclusion doesn’t ensure perfection nor is it something you will achieve at one point so you can go rest and forget about it. Inclusion is a constant commitment to identifying needs, providing supports, and to understanding that there are always going to be challenges. These are all obstacles we need to welcome because they serve as natural opportunities to teach our children something new. These challenges allow us to measure their ability to interact with the unexpected while they strengthen their resilience despite knowing that this isn’t easy for them, nor is it for us.
Now that my children are older and aware of the daily challenges that inclusion brings, I respect them more than ever. I know that every day I am sending them to a complicated world that goes faster than they do. I know there are times in which they have felt disconnected or even rejected. But I also know that every tough experience has taught them to be stronger, to be wiser, and to be more confident. I made this choice for us when they didn’t have a choice. I have pushed them tirelessly to give their best and embrace the fact that everything starts inside of ourselves and that we should not be measured for what we are able, but for what we are willing to give. I have learned along with them, and from them, that we don’t give up without trying a thousand times. I’ve learned that every try is an opportunity to learn, and because of that, the goal changes as the learning happens. I see what it’s inspired in them and I believe that choices mark our lives and write our futures.
Sometimes I still dream of a day in which life is going to be easier or “normal” but most of the time, I don’t imagine our lives any different. Challenges have made us stronger, and even though our lives are never easy, I am grateful because they are awesome. From all the wonderful things that we have built together, real love and mutual acceptance are probably the most valuable. It feels simply magical to love and to be loved so much, with no judgments, with no stupid expectations, with so much simplicity, and with so much honesty. While I believe inclusion is a journey and not a destination, it is a journey to enjoy, to embrace, and to celebrate every single day. Inclusion is a journey that gives us much more than we can realize and transforms us in ways that we cannot even imagine.
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