This 2020 my children are going to be 16 and 13 years old. Suddenly I have two teenagers at home. That brings me back to the days they were born. To the many thoughts and insecurities that becoming the mother of two children with Down syndrome brought to my life. It was a “me” moment because it was all about me and my insecurities about the future and my ability to be the mother they needed and deserved. It took me years to realize it has never been about me but it’s all about them.
It would be absurd to focus on the “life is not easy” line because life has been amazing regardless of the challenges. I love them just because they are my children but I cannot deny the fact that I admire their strength. With every decision made on their behalf, I have pushed them to uncomfortable situations that I knew they needed to grow stronger. It’s not about how hard it was for me to send them to inclusive classrooms, but about how hard it has been for them to grow up in an environment that never gives them a break and constantly pushes them to give their best. I don’t want to say that their lives are not easy, so I am going to say this, their lives are not typical and that have made them stronger. As a result, they are who they are nowadays.
I have been always focus on helping them gain independence, for their own sake but also for mine. I wanted to come to this day in which I could finally take a break, sleep late, have time to go to the gym, and more. For probably a decade it was all about them. And later in life and as a result of all the time invested in building them instead of disabling them, the time has come in which they are independent, they know their routines, they know how to cook, clean up their rooms, do their laundry, they wake up early and make breakfast together, and they surprise me with the most beautiful brunch in bed. I know for the perfect mothers who are against the idea of giving control this sounds horrible. To me this is just perfection. I don’t want them to depend on me. I want them to be independent to the maximum extent possible. I want them to feel capable and to keep pushing themselves to be stronger every single day.
So going back to the title of this post. Building independence is powerful. Giving control is gaining control. To me, giving them control has helped me regain control as an individual. It has allowed me to do things for myself. Things that I need and I love. Things that make me happier and stronger. Things that allow me to be a better person and so for, a better mother for them. I just wish more people would reflect on this and understand that it’s always about them and it should never be about us, at least not for long. It’s important to let them own their own lives with their own abilities. It’s crucial to step back and let them shine.
