I was in Mexico for a couple of days for the “Cambiando Miradas” (Changing Perceptions) Conference, a new symposium that attracted more than 800 people. It was an awesome experience to be able to speak and share with families so many of my life experiences. Everything was out of this world until it was time to literally land back in reality and realize that I had lost my connecting flight home due to mechanical issues. This was one of those unexpected times in which there is nothing else you can do except pick up your voucher, spend the night in a hotel, and try to arrange the next day from your smartphone to be sure your kids’ lives are not interrupted.
I was trying to see the positive side of this, but honestly, it just wasn’t happening. So, when I took the shuttle to the airport, I started talking to the driver. Nice guy. He was eager to share, reflect on life and share about kids, grandkids and an elderly mom and her daily struggles with dementia. He asked about myself. “Looking good,” he said. I replied, “Thank you!” and he added, “married? kids?” I told him I was divorced with two kids. He then shared some thoughts about losing your connecting flight and the feelings of frustration that parents have shared with him before. “Yeah, it is never easy,” I said, “but at least they are not babies anymore, they are already 14 and 11 and they can do things on their own. Like everyone else, they just need supervision.”
He kept going, “Oh, yes. My kids were very independent at that age too but you are right, they still need supervision because as independent as they are, they make mistakes.” We kept talking and I at that point I realized I hadn’t said anything about Emir and Ayelen having Down syndrome, which I felt was a new high for me. I didn’t intend to do this, it just happened naturally. I forgot my children have Down syndrome. Then, excited to have started a no labels game I kept talking. “Well, you know how hard is to talk to them sometimes. It’s not always easy to understand what they want or what they need.” He laughed, “Oh, God. They are just insane. There is no way to know or interpret their words sometimes. All kids are just like that. But that is why we are here: to at least try and keep talking like a parrot so at least they can learn two new words every day.” I kept going, “Right, right! And what about the fears? Do you ever fear this world is too mean for them or feel terrified they’ll be seen as different?” He took a big breath, “Yeah. We are dark people, ma’am. We have some of that but I guess all parents do for many different reasons.” I was just fascinated having the experience of talking about parenting with no labels on my children and find so much in common with another citizen of the world.
To make the conversation even more interesting, the driver asked me if I was single or dating someone. “Single and happy,” I replied. “Too bad,” he said, “considering that you are a good listener and you are also beautiful and smart. But I guess many men look for a wife who cooks and does laundry. You don’t seem to be one of them. But I know how to cook and do laundry if you are ever looking for someone in that area,” he said while laughing hard. I laughed too. He dropped me off at the airline booth and wished me luck. I did the same. While walking on my way to finding my boarding gate, I kept thinking about the experience. How cool was that?! I just created a game for myself that I plan to keep using in the future, just to divorce myself from the stigma and let people see me as the typical divorced mom of two teenagers who travels for work and faces as many challenges as other might.
In the end, I found a positive in all this crazy situation. I’ve got another story to tell. One that I am sure can give others the opportunity to set aside their own labels to experience “typical” in a new way. Going deeper, are we willing to give up on labels, or are we just comfy enough with them and the attention they bring to our lives? Something to think about.
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